Thursday, May 31, 2012

"Does Bullying Lead to Workplace Violence?"

A friend recently forwarded info from a "webinar" by this title and asked me to repost my response. The simple answer is yes. It does lead to workplace violence because bullies are not one-dimensional beings that exist only is certain settings. Bullying is not a phase that people naturally grow out of by the time they turn 18 and/or join the workforce. If you think it is, you're one of those few, lucky people who has worked only in harmonious and respectful environments and I would love to know where. :) In a nutshell, what happens in school happens in society and vice versa. Further, school and childhood are the foundation of people's lives. What happens when you're growing up serves as the basis for your entire life. If you spend your entire childhood being abused, you are not going to enter the workforce with the same psychological well-being of someone who is raised properly, nor with the same psychologically well-being of the person who spends his/her childhood bullying people. Until he/she learns otherwise, the abuse victim will be untrusting, defensive, distant and/or will constantly second-guess him/herself for fear of offending someone. The abuser will assume he/she will get everything he/she wants, one way or another. It's only a question of whether it will be by request, by charm or by aggression. If there's someone he/she doesn't feel respect toward, he/she will continue to be abusive, secure in knowledge that no one will stop him/her because no one ever has. The person who was properly raised will enter the workforce at least semi-assertive and confident in his/her abilities. Who you are growing up serves as the foundation for who you are as an adult. The only exceptions I know of are those who are forced to recreate themselves from scratch, discarding parts or all of their childhoods.

So, how do you address workplace bullying? The same way you address bullying everywhere else.

** Know your company's policies and your legal rights. I don't mean this in a general sense. Before you can press the issue with a company who has decided to ignore your complaints, you have to know exactly what your rights are and in what specific ways they've been violated. If you don't, they can say anything and how will you know whether or not it's true?

**Be willing to stand up to the bully. As a general rule, I would recommend talking to the bully before talking to anyone else. The only time this shouldn't be done is when you honestly believe it will make matters worse and/or when you are too intimidated to try. The latter is not an insult or a dare. It's simply the reality of abuse. If you are not intimidated, angry, humiliated, upset and/or afraid, the bully hasn't done anything you can file a complaint about. It took several years for me to get to this point, but I did. When someone was being a prick and/or was too touchy-feely, I pulled him aside and told him firmly and quietly that I found his behavior to be offensive. I was very specific in what I found offensive and told him that, if he continued, I would file a complaint with the store manager. He continued, I filed a complaint and the issue ended. The job prior to that one didn't go so well. I filed 5 separate complaints against the same person. Nothing was done until the owner heard me threaten to file a complaint with the labor board for creation of a hostile work environment. She and I met. She's a bully herself, but doesn't want to deal with the labor board; so, she met with the managers and the issue with this coworker was resolved.
This is not to say that you should attempt to resolve things by reasoning with the bully. There's a big difference between handling things professionally and attempting to reason. It's enough to tell him/her exactly what you find offensive and, if necessary, why you find it offensive. For example, the above-mentioned touchy-feely coworker liked to casually touch female coworkers. It was always on the shoulder, arm, back or side. I found this offensive and asked him not to touch me. He asked why I found it offensive. As I had no problem with him, I told him the truth--which was that I had been sexually harassed in high school and do not like to be touched. Furthermore, I consider touching of that nature to be appropriate for boy/girlfriends, which we are not, and universally inappropriate in the workplace. I told him I like him as a friend, but have no interest in him otherwise. Some days to a week later, he cornered me in drivethru and did so again, at which time I reminded him, then and there, in front of anyone nearby, that I do not want to be touched in any manner that is not specifically designed to get my attention, and then only if speaking isn't effective. It was a lengthy, cold and quiet conversation, but it didn't happen again.

**If talking to the bully doesn't solve the problem, you can/should file a detailed complaint with the manager immediately, in writing. Keep a copy. Oral complaints are easily forgotten and/or ignored, leading to a case of "he said, she said." Then, there's the possible issue of what you said vs. what the manager later claims you said--an issue that is completely avoidable by keeping a copy of your complaint.

**Above all, you need to keep your calm and remind yourself that you are a professional, whether you're talking to the bully, the management or coworkers who think it's their business. You are an adult (or teen), with the legal right to a safe, professional work environment. If the manager isn't willing to step in, or if the manager is the bully, talk to the next manager up. This option goes all the way up to the labor board. Keep detailed records of what, when and the outcomes of meetings with the bully and supervisors. Naturally, you also have the option to leave, but jobs are hard to come by and, frankly, leaving is the easy way out, but is otherwise a bad choice. It's the same as running away. All it takes is for the bully or other coworkers to find you again and the problem can be rekindled. Then, there are the psychological consequences, like lack of self-confidence and the inability to handle issues with future bullies. Thus, when you talk to the bully or the management, keep your calm. Do not cry or yell. Unless you can do it with a sadistic smile, don't curse. :) Mostly kidding. It's a good idea not to curse at all. Among other reasons, it makes you look bad to the management and, if you're cursing at a manager, you can get fired for insubordination.

**You may also find yourself dealing with the bully in the general course of work. For example, one person I had to deal with was a crew trainer. For those not familiar with the fastfood environment, a crew trainer is the position between crew and management. His/her job is to correct when/when mistakes are made, ask crew members to help with occasional tasks and do lesser management-related jobs. His/her job is not to micromanage and/or criticize crew members, to tell crew members how to do their jobs, etc. This coworker had a superiority complex and was generally abusive toward others. Thus, when he corrected me on something, I acknowledged him politely and took his advise. If he asked me to do something that was not my job, I told him that I was busy, but would get to it the first chance I got. As I was the back drivethru person, I was busy. By nature of my job, I did not have the ready opportunity to run errands or mop something up somewhere, and he knew this. As such, he should have asked someone else because for me to do so would have meant putting customers on hold, which is to be avoided whenever possible. Once, when I politely asked him to let me do my job, he informed that it was his job as crew trainer to supervise people. I in turn told him what his job is and isn't. It just so happens that a manager was nearby when this conversation took place and sided with me. Point of story: it never serves to be rude to coworkers or managers, but it's always a good idea to know everything you can about the workplace. Not knowing how to do someone else's job doesn't mean you don't know what his/her job entails. Another was the coworker I filed 5 separate complaints against. If there was another in the kitchen with him, I would address her instead--not as a matter of exclusion, but to avoid trouble. If, however, he was the one in the kitchen or in charge of that particular position, I addressed him, as I would anyone else. This is an important part of working with abusive people. You can't always avoid them and, obviously, you can't always clash with them.

**Above all, remember what your job is, what his/her job is and what needs to be done to make the business work. If your coworker is a world-class prick and you hate him/her with a passion, he/she is still your coworker. Speak to him/her about the little things (early on--not all of them). Report the big things and the subsequent little things. Follow through on your complaints, continuing up the chain of command until something is done. In the meantime, do your job to perfection. Doing this lends meaning to the childhood rhyme "I'm rubber and you're glue."